So, I’m back.

I binged for the last part of December while staying with family for a wedding.

Today I began what I should have began a long ass time ago.

I started my period yesterday.

Here’s how you know you’re fat: You have to lift up your FUPA to put in a tampon.

Yeah, I know.

I bought this People and cut out some “thinspiration” of people like me who lost tons of weight by changing a little at a time.

Today, I also started my google walking plan.  I did 20 min of walking.  I felt like a heifer walking down the street but I am glad I did it.

So far I’ve eaten the following:

A fruit/protein/fiber smoothie (appx 190 calories)

A Kashi breakfast bar (the same, methinks)

A small portion of red beans and rice.  About 1 cup brown rice and 1 cup red beans.

Five clementines

I plan on having edamame and half a cajun pork chop for dinner.

I have been drinking water like a mad woman.

That’s all!

I just finished reading an article about a NJM article about obesity.

About how it is “contagious.”  Friends who have friends who are obese tend to be obese.

I have relatively few fit friends.

It’s easy to make jokes about being fat.  It’s easy to make jokes about loving food and expensive beer.

The bottom line is: I’m miserable.

Being fat doesn’t just look horrible, it feels horrible, too.  And other than one bite/sip at a time, I have no idea how I got here.  I’m embarassed to see my family.  I’m embarassed to see old friends.  I HATE the condition I’ve allowed my body to get to.  I’m single, 30, and I’m unhealthy.

That’s why I am joining this.

If I’m not going to have any real life friends who really care about being healthy and making lifestyle changes (I can’t really talk), I might as well make friends online with some peeps who do.

I’m tired of living like this.   I just don’t really know how to change.  I can’t afford weightwatchers and my gym membership is only for two more weeks before I can’t afford it, either.

I guess I’ll have to do this the old fashioned way.  Just a bit more wired.

Well, I’ve decided to follow my friend, helloweightloss, into the world of fat-blogging.

I’m probably pushing 245 lbs right now but I’m in “fat denial” and every time I go to the gym (not often) I run from the scale like I would run from a naked man (I’m gay).

I had this little “come to jesus” a month ago in Atlanta when my gorgeous step-sister and step-mother tag teamed me about how fat I’ve gotten over the past few years.

I’ve been trying to have fruit smoothies with protein powder for breakfast everyday.  I did today.  I had half of a baked potato and a salad for lunch.  Some chicken curry and red beans and rice when I got home.  And a dollop of Phish food that I wanted to clean outta my freezer.

I guess I’ll start by making some goals for this week (beginning Tuesday):

1) Do at least 30 min of cardio a day

2) Make an honest list of everything I eat for the week.

3) Lay off the hooch.  Booze is a big part of how I got so super-duper-morbidly-obese.